the blogger in me is pretty much dead, so here’s what I’m up to microblog style:
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Why come up with new reasons to attack the Democratic candidate when you can just use the same ones as 2004!
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Checkout Sexytie.com’s new look and feel! http://www.sexytie.com
Show your support and digg us here!
http://digg.com/educational/4_Beautiful_Women_Teach_You_How_to_Tie_a_Tie
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During check in at my men’s group the other night, I at some point uttered that I felt like I was in “the montage” portion of my current life story. While lifetimes are likely montages in themselves, on a more minute level I think it’s useful to look at how montages and transformation relate. In cinema, montages are nearly always ellipses for transformations over time. Training sequences, makeovers, climbing the corporate ladder, falling in love - they’re all just transformations over time that are the result of a continuous practice of some sort. All the ‘hardwork’ generally occurs in the montage in the movies, the sheer monotony and repetition of perfecting anything, the struggle of not feeling progress, the regressions and off days. Then there’s a sequence/climax that proves said transformation has occurred and is now a permanent trait and rewards are reaped.
The small glory moments and payoffs get a huge share of the story, while the stuff that takes the longest gets the least screen-time! And that’s because change and growth itself are boring!
While granted state experiences and occasional monumental ‘break-thrus’ do occur, in my experience the great majority of transformation is extremely minute over time. Day to day, extraordinary things don’t happen: you may be slightly better or worse in your practice, but overall you kinda feel the same as you did yesterday. Then, suddenly, one day seemingly out of the blue you either see or feel a drastic difference. For me its often by experiencing a bit of how I used to be, whether via image, sound, or a deeply triggered memory…..
Time always turns up the ‘contrast’, making the differences/results between the old and new clearly discernible. Day by day you can’t see any differences and suddenly one little shift and all the details of the radical differences become immediately visible
So anyway, I’m in a montage now. I’m still pretty much the same small self I’ve been, and day to day not much feels different. There aren’t glorious triumphs or big wins. At best, I find a few moments of a more authentic self flashing thru here and there, most usually in touching in with some deep sadness I’ve held at bay for far too long. Like any transformation, it’s not easy and it’s not fun. It’s often tedious, redundant, painful, and sometimes makes me wonder why I’m doing it.
But, I have to remind myself that progress is being made, and that one day I might wake up and suddenly the contrast will be apparent, and I’ll be amazed at how I never saw all the changes that’ve happened.
End of incoherent rant. This explains it much better:
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A video of one of the new tracks from the forthcoming album.
Excited I am.
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$120 in ‘overdraft’ fees for hitting -$30 in my account for 1 day. Fuck that.
$156 for allergy prescriptions even though I HAVE MEDICAL insurance.
Screw the banks, screw insurance companies. keep exploiting those that can’t afford it.
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Haven’t heard this in ages. Nice little video to accompany it. Hat tip to Integral Options for the nice reminder of this graduation speech to music.
Everyone Must See This! - video powered by Metacafe
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Earlier today Casey gave me a wallet made from recycled tires. He noticed my old one was a bit weathered. It is. I got it back in like 1999, at Kohls, with Ryan Doss and Brad Lewin.
My wallets bit on my ass for almost 10 years now, it’s been everywhere I’ve been. I’m attached to it and not sure I’m ready to replace it.
It’s seen my life in IL, CA, CO, and trips to Europe, Chile, Canada, and across the US.
It’s almost been to as many pearl jam shows as me.
It’s been to EVERY spearhead show I’ve been to.
Maybe it’s time to let go, but I just don’t know…
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Finally got this here blog onto dreamhost, and can let my old hosting service go, hurray!
Not that I’ve been doing much blogging. Haven’t been up to much other than working, continuing strength training, playing lots of Halo 3, and enjoying the onset of spring here in boulder.
Stay tuned, a shorter, but hopefully just as transformative Training Challenge feels like its just around the corner…
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just upgraded to 2.5, and something didn’t work…
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stone gossard is on integral naked this week. sweet. got me trying to remember my full live history with the band….i think this covers everything but will have to sit down and check ticket stubs one day. michael franti and spearhead are the only other band I may have possibly seen this many times. that list will also have to be compiled sometime.
july ‘95 - Soldier Field. otis rush, bad religion, PJ
may ‘98 - united center. jason lange, joe imhoff, pete frank, me. frank blank opens
june ‘98 - alpine valley with seth & brad lewin
june ‘99 - Tibetin Freedom Concert, EV solo. pretty much everyone from highschool was here.
June ‘00 - Indianapolis with seth/pete frank, pete’s bro
October ‘00 - San Francisco, Halloween. supergrass opens. w/ liz, mark, and sian
October ‘01 - PJ Acoustic. Bridge School Benefit with Neil Young. sanders, waldstein, lozano, woodside, others?
April, ‘03 - Champaign, IL. who opened? with Erika
June, ‘03 - Irvine, CA. Idlewild opens. w/ matt, steph, daniel
July, ‘03 - New York, NY with mattie lozano.
October ‘03 - PJ Acoustic. Bridge School Benefit with Neil Young. katie/brian hoeber, matt, daniel, dan s, melinda, brett dennen, sirka wetzel, kevin hobson, stephanie, matt lozano, others??
May ‘04 - Santa Barbara Ca. special benefit half acoustic/half plugged in for 10c members. middle 4th or 5th row. Jack johnson, john frusciante, chris cornell…EPIC
October ‘04 - Rock for Change, St. Louis, MO with Lorne. death cab opens.
May ‘06 - Chicago, United Center with Kelly Veronico. My Morning Jacket.
May ‘06 - Chicago, United Center with Alan A. My Morning Jacket. my first Crown of Thorns live experience.
July ‘06 - Denver, CO - Pepsi center with Eric Graham. Split bill with Tom Petty
July ‘06 - Denver, CO - Pepsi center with Casey Capshaw. Split bill with Tom Petty
July ‘06 - San Francisco, CA - bill graham civic auditorium - with ryan driscol. GA. Moshing. Sonic Youth
December ‘06 - Honolulu, HA - Split bill with U2. closing of tour for both bands. rockin’ in free world duet. amazing
August, ‘07 - Chicago, IL - Lollapalooza. Pearl Jam closes, main stage 3rd day. hell no don’t go, BP amaco!
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if last year’s birthday was a step into integrity, today’s is a step into reality.
let’s hope next year is a step into abundance.
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I really do love jon stewart! and all those other people in places of power in this world that hold themselves and what they do lightly, while trying to change things even a tad.
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haven’t been blogging much, as I haven’t really been in a writing mood. Time for some updates though. Been hanging out, enjoying fall, started a new full time job, working on sexytie on the side (we’re up to about 220,000 views on video 1), and playing a lot of multilayer halo 3 with my dude friends. Have lots of car and financial problems (the latter partly causing the former) and still lifting weights with Casey and Rollie. Going to Las Vegas this weekend and looking forward to halloween next week.
that’s all.
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Ideal Market has FINALLY restocked their supply of Seitan, and because of the merger of Wild Oats & Whole Foods they’re .50 cents cheaper a piece. That adds up when you eat as much as I do.
This is week 4 of Casey and I’s 4 week mega challenge. We didn’t get to lift yesterday morning because whatever staff person was scheduled didn’t show up and the gym never opened! BUt hell, we’re 16/17 days so far, which really ain’t bad.
Working a new job again and getting ready to launch a second ST video. October is bringing a lot of change alongside that of the weather……
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Along with my cohort Casey Capshaw, I’m utterly pleased to announce the launch of our first Attention Engine LLC project: SexyTie.com - Learn how to Tie a Tie the Sexy Way
We spent a lot of time over this summer brainstorming ideas that would take advantage of each of our talents, be lots of fun to make, give us business experience to learn from, and generate some cash on the side to support our world-centric lifestyles.
So here I present to you, our first SexyTie video: The Full Windsor Knot. At least 7 more knots will follow!
If you like it, please take the time to DIGG IT here, and rate it on metacafe.com here.
SexyTie.com | How To Tie A Tie | The Full Windsor Knot. - video powered by Metacafe
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Nothing to new or interesting to report! Still working part time, editing Chicago videos on the side. Had our first glimpse of Fall yesterday in boulder, a) because it got fairly cold and b) because I realized it was dark at 8pm!
not sure i’m ready for winter!
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Spent a good weekend in chicago filming more videos, this time at Navy Pier. Got a little sunburned, SHAME on me. Flew back Monday morning and went into work, then went straight to the gym for a truly ass kicking afternoon chest/triceps session. Nearly passed out in the Sauna, then headed home for a bit before meeting stan for some drinks in the evening.
Had a good hill run this morning, realizing that winter is coming has made it a bit easier to get up and enjoy the warmth. This year is flying by. Starting to get a fairly good outline/vibe of what the next year or so of life is going to like, and must say it feels pretty good to have some direction again. Still working through some of the issues that came up for me a few weeks ago, and while not really enjoyable, it feels good to be letting go of some things.
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I like this song……..Moby rocks. “open to everything” has been the phrase in my head the last week. I knew it was from a song but couldn’t remember it for the life of me. Feels good to have found it……..and to be feeling it……
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Here’s the pilot we shot back in February…what a fun weekend it was….
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the winds of change are definitely blowing and for the first time in a long time i feel like i have no bearings and simply no clue in what direction to point my sail. it’s a slightly uncomfortable feeling, though not an unfamiliar one as it feels similar to what i’ve felt in previous periods of growth of some kind or another.
consequently, as my fitness program is the only point of stability in my life of any sort right now, I’m going to throw a lot of energy towards it this next week, and not just because I took last week off. somehow it has become my comfort zone and i hope that abiding in it with extra awareness for the next while will make it much easier to weather whatever storm appears to be rolling in.
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despite some financials pains and the uncertainty of my employment situation in the coming months, life is pretty good for me right now. I’m feeling good and excited about how things are going in a number of different areas of my life.
With that has come the strange sensation of trying not to get attached to that happiness. To allow myself to feel it deeply, but not come to expect or even require it. It’s a very interesting thing, many people talk about not becoming attached to physical possessions, power, love, past traumas, bad times, or even state experiences. It’s more infrequent to find discussions of holding happiness itself at arms length, often times the things we generally think of as making us happy are the elements of samsara, things which can never truly last.
The trick, so they say, is to realize that the good and the bad are really all the same, just fleeting manifestations. However, if you learn to love the space from which all things unfold you’re really onto something. So that’s what I’m trying to do, and I find myself trying not to get too wrapped up in the good times, as inevitably the bad ones will return. Instead of pounding a few more shots to increase my buzz I’m trying to enjoy where I’m at and slowly enjoy a full glass of wine. Have patience with happiness, let yourself enjoy the good things in small doses, and know that it’s just as finicky as suffering and will come and go as it pleases. But don’t be afraid to enjoy its company when its here…
the dude abides.
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Some great lessons learned from an ex World of Warcraft junkie. (i was one myself for a time)
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the trip back from chicago went well, thankfully no further problems at the airport. Spent the week applying for some jobs, nothing too exciting or promising. The rest of the week I sat around the house mainly watching netflix movies. Most notably, I just finally finished Six Feet Under, which I started a little over a year ago. While I think the show lost its way a bit in the middle few seasons, the first season and last part of season 5 are particularly amazing.
The final episode, and specifically the final 15 minutes of the last show, make for probably the best conclusion to a series I’ve seen. The final montage in the last episode is painfully beautiful and straightforward, and a logical fulfilment of the premise of the show. It’s one of those beautiful moments of film/video where the music and the images magically combine to create something neither of them would be alone. With the images showing us what to feel, and the music informing how we should feel it.
For me, the best episodes of the show were the ones in which the ‘death’ of the episode informed and revealed something about what the characters were struggling with at the time. The technique is similar to the way the island ‘manifests’ shadow issues or undigested material for the cast to deal with in LOST. The deaths in Six Feet Under do much the same I think, though the episodes that do that are certainly more prevalent earlier in the series before it turns into more typical soap-opera esque character issues.
While a little cheesy, predictable, and overly dramatic at points in the series, overall I’m so impressed. This is a show about how life is, not how we want life to be. Nobody is perfect in the show, but everybody has moments of perfection. Issues don’t always get resolved, things don’t necessarily end happily, and people don’t always come around as we might hope. Check it out if you haven’t already.
Death is that strangest of things; the one universal experience that every living being in the world shares, something completely universal, but also simultaneously the loneliest thing in the world for anyone to experience or witness.
That probably wasn’t the best show in the world to watch during my unemployed-what-the fuck-am-i-doing-with-my-26-year-old-life period right now. Meditating on death does little to alleviate existential angst.
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That’s not the line from “Corduroy”. But it should be. I went to my first of hopefully five Pearl Jam shows last night. Yup, you read that right, FIVE. A new record. Even for me. And it was with another Ten Club member at that. It couldn’t have been a better night. I love Pearl Jam. I really do. On so many levels. Why do I love Pearl Jam?
I actually don’t listen to Pearl Jam albums that much. During off season, months will usually pass in which I don’t put on a single record of theirs. In the back of my mind, I know how good they are and that they’ll always be there. So I start to take them for granted, and slowly start to forget.
Then, they’ll release an album. I love when they release albums, because its one of the few times in my life I can definitively say, ‘on this day my life will be changed forever’. Not changed in any major way, but in a measurable way. Now when I do listen to PJ, I can choose from X numbers of albums, one more than before!
Ten I bought at Best Buy, in 8th grade. Vitalogy I got for Xmas in 8th grade. VS. I got around Easter in 8th grade.
I got No Code when I was a sophomore. My mother and I went to the DMV to get my learners permit, and I stopped at Tower Records next door. I had been listening to “Who You Are” on repeat nearly the entire month before that.
Yield I got in ‘98, when I was a Junior. I was working at CompUSA at the time, which closed at 9. Thus to get it that first day, I had to have my mom pick it up before she got me from work.
Binaural was in 2000. I was in Southern California, that Urban wasteland of highways and roads. Jessica Wickum had to drive me to Best Buy to pick it up.
Riot Act was fall of 2002. I got it at Streetlight Records on Pacific Avenue in Santa Cruz, on my way to one of my very first staff meetings at the group home.
Pearl Jam [Self-Titled], I pre-ordered through the ten club. It technically arrived on April 29th, but I didn’t get it until the 30th when Mike Arens picked me up for the airport and we rolled back to Boulder.
Now, back to what really matters. No two shows are ever alike. No setlist is ever the same. Their catalogue is so huge there’s no way it could be. Songs are always played differently, the band always sounds differently, the energy of the room is always unique, my seats are always different, daughter/betterman usually have unique tags, and you never know who’ll they’ll cover or what famous rockstar will show up on stage with them.
Yet, every Pearl Jam show is also exactly the same. I know the structure of the show and what it will be like: eddie drinking a bottle of wine, length generally between 2-3 hours, 3 sets, last one always ends with a rocking cover, and then Yellow Ledbetter. And then me walking out in a daze. State experience indeed.
Everytime I go to a Pearl Jam show, I’m a completely different person. Years go by between Pearl Jam tours, and often months between shows. I’ve seen them at Soldier Field with Steve when I was hardly pubescent……..Madison Square Garden with Matt in New York……St. Louis with Lorne………Indianapolis with Seth…………….San Francisco on Halloween with liz, shawn, and mark……..Ed at the Tibetin Freedon concert……….acoustic with ben harper at the Bridge School Benefit……..Santa Barbara for the re-unification of Temple of the Dog after driving 6 hours straight with Matt, and of course, the United Center with Kelly.
Everytime I go to a show, I’m re-living those moments. I am those moments, I am inhabit all those selves at once:
I’m Jason at a Pearl Jam show, having the best time in my life.
But I’m also not. I’m different. I’ve grown. I’ve changed. I’ve deepened my awareness since, and hopefully cultivated myself into a better human being. I have new memories, new pains, new regrets, new stresses, new joys. I even look different physically.
Then suddenly, when those lights go down, that all falls away. I fall away. I’m living that same moment I’ve lived a thousand times before. It IS the same moment as all those times before. I simply Am. That’s the thing about Pearl Jam shows for me, when I’m there, I feel it, I get it. All those meditations and practices make sense. I just AM. I settle in I amness. The moment that lasts forever and never goes away……never changes……..the past, the present, and the future…….are ALL just one big pearl jam show.
Everything has changed, absolutely nothings changed. Impermanence and Permanence. Maybe you get it, maybe you don’t. either way, i hope you have something in your life that affects you in similar ways.
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1st pearl jam show was incredible. Special thanks go out to kelly for being excellent PJ company and driving…. More details on that later…….but first:
The lastest update from Niles about his amazing Chacabuco documentary…
I’m leaving this coming monday, the 22nd for Chacabuco, to shoot the documentary and the project is really evolving! Here is a little update on what’s been happening:
Last week I interviewed two concentration camp survivors from Chacabuco. They had been in the camp for one year between 1973 and 1974. Both men are now in their 70s, one of them spent 2 years in 6 different concentration camps in Chile and was then exiled to Panamal until 1990. It was an incredible experience interviewing them- painful and awakening. Both men were so grateful to be interviewed, we spoke for about 3 hours all in all. And by the end of the interview they told me they wanted to come with Will (a friend who is coming with me) and I to Chacabuco. They are going to meet us there on May 24thand 25th and return to Chacabuco for the first time since their incarceration there! I was dumbfounded, and still am really.
“The men are going to pay for their own tickets since the amount of funding I’ve gotten so far is just enough to get the project on its feet. I have enough to film it and get there… so Will and I are going by bus, cutting costs… but we need to at least make the old budget goal of $1,400 to be able to reimburse the tickets for these two men, it is the least we can do for them!
Please visit the website
http://www.chacabuco.org/support.htm to support the project with whatever donation you can muster up (really, anything is appreciated even $5 or $10). All who donate will get a credit in the film (if you don’t have a problem with it of course, if you want to remain anonymous just let me know). Time is running out, less than a week left so hurry! AND THANK YOU! Check out the article in the Santiago Times here:
http://www.tcgnews.com/santiagotimes/index.php?nav\u003dstory &story_id\u003d11248&topic_id\u003d1 And keep updated by checking out the blog which is updated 2 or 3 times a week. The men are going to pay for their own tickets since the amount of funding I’ve gotten so far is just enough to get the project on its feet. I have enough to film it and get there… so Will and I are going by bus, cutting costs… but we need to at least make the old budget goal of $1,400 to be able to reimburse the tickets for these two men, it is the least we can do for them!
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