I’m actually in Illinois right now, flew out last night as unfortunately my grandfather passed away yesterday. He was 94 and sharp as a knife until the end. His hardwork, along with my Grandmothers and parents, is really what has given me the opportunity to live the life I’ve been blessed to so far. In so many ways its because of him that I’m where I’m at right now.
I’ll miss you Pa.
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That’s not the line from “Corduroy”. But it should be. I went to my first of hopefully five Pearl Jam shows last night. Yup, you read that right, FIVE. A new record. Even for me. And it was with another Ten Club member at that. It couldn’t have been a better night. I love Pearl Jam. I really do. On so many levels. Why do I love Pearl Jam?
I actually don’t listen to Pearl Jam albums that much. During off season, months will usually pass in which I don’t put on a single record of theirs. In the back of my mind, I know how good they are and that they’ll always be there. So I start to take them for granted, and slowly start to forget.
Then, they’ll release an album. I love when they release albums, because its one of the few times in my life I can definitively say, ‘on this day my life will be changed forever’. Not changed in any major way, but in a measurable way. Now when I do listen to PJ, I can choose from X numbers of albums, one more than before!
Ten I bought at Best Buy, in 8th grade. Vitalogy I got for Xmas in 8th grade. VS. I got around Easter in 8th grade.
I got No Code when I was a sophomore. My mother and I went to the DMV to get my learners permit, and I stopped at Tower Records next door. I had been listening to “Who You Are” on repeat nearly the entire month before that.
Yield I got in ‘98, when I was a Junior. I was working at CompUSA at the time, which closed at 9. Thus to get it that first day, I had to have my mom pick it up before she got me from work.
Binaural was in 2000. I was in Southern California, that Urban wasteland of highways and roads. Jessica Wickum had to drive me to Best Buy to pick it up.
Riot Act was fall of 2002. I got it at Streetlight Records on Pacific Avenue in Santa Cruz, on my way to one of my very first staff meetings at the group home.
Pearl Jam [Self-Titled], I pre-ordered through the ten club. It technically arrived on April 29th, but I didn’t get it until the 30th when Mike Arens picked me up for the airport and we rolled back to Boulder.
Now, back to what really matters. No two shows are ever alike. No setlist is ever the same. Their catalogue is so huge there’s no way it could be. Songs are always played differently, the band always sounds differently, the energy of the room is always unique, my seats are always different, daughter/betterman usually have unique tags, and you never know who’ll they’ll cover or what famous rockstar will show up on stage with them.
Yet, every Pearl Jam show is also exactly the same. I know the structure of the show and what it will be like: eddie drinking a bottle of wine, length generally between 2-3 hours, 3 sets, last one always ends with a rocking cover, and then Yellow Ledbetter. And then me walking out in a daze. State experience indeed.
Everytime I go to a Pearl Jam show, I’m a completely different person. Years go by between Pearl Jam tours, and often months between shows. I’ve seen them at Soldier Field with Steve when I was hardly pubescent……..Madison Square Garden with Matt in New York……St. Louis with Lorne………Indianapolis with Seth…………….San Francisco on Halloween with liz, shawn, and mark……..Ed at the Tibetin Freedon concert……….acoustic with ben harper at the Bridge School Benefit……..Santa Barbara for the re-unification of Temple of the Dog after driving 6 hours straight with Matt, and of course, the United Center with Kelly.
Everytime I go to a show, I’m re-living those moments. I am those moments, I am inhabit all those selves at once:
I’m Jason at a Pearl Jam show, having the best time in my life.
But I’m also not. I’m different. I’ve grown. I’ve changed. I’ve deepened my awareness since, and hopefully cultivated myself into a better human being. I have new memories, new pains, new regrets, new stresses, new joys. I even look different physically.
Then suddenly, when those lights go down, that all falls away. I fall away. I’m living that same moment I’ve lived a thousand times before. It IS the same moment as all those times before. I simply Am. That’s the thing about Pearl Jam shows for me, when I’m there, I feel it, I get it. All those meditations and practices make sense. I just AM. I settle in I amness. The moment that lasts forever and never goes away……never changes……..the past, the present, and the future…….are ALL just one big pearl jam show.
Everything has changed, absolutely nothings changed. Impermanence and Permanence. Maybe you get it, maybe you don’t. either way, i hope you have something in your life that affects you in similar ways.
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